Wednesdays for Wives: If You Leave Me, I’m Going With You

How do you make your marriage last? You simply decide it will. Promise together with your husband that, no matter what, divorce is not an option. Take it off the table right now. Almost everyone in their wedding vows says. “’til death do us part.” Now it’s time to get serious about it.

My husband and I both agreed while we were still engaged that regardless of what life threw at us, once we got married, we were married for life. I believe that promise to each other makes all the difference in our relationship. The Bible tells us that this is the right promise to make. Paul writes in I Corinthians Verses 10-11, “To the married I give this command (not I but the Lord): A wife must not separate for her husband…And a husband must not divorce his wife.”

Feeling secure in a marriage is so important. Knowing that person will always be there, won’t give up on you, is just as invested as you are, allows trust to thrive. Trust means you can be open and vulnerable with each other and paves the way for true intimacy.

I’m not just talking about intimacy in the bedroom. Intimacy is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as, ” a close, familiar, affectionate personal relationship, detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a subject, the quality of being comfortable, warm or familiar.”

While it may not sound romantic, it’s this comfortable, warm, familiarity that creates the safe haven that a marriage should be. Passionate nights, candlelit dinners, tropical get-a-ways are the fun part of spending life together, but that comfortable familiarity is what gets you through the general dailiness of life. It’s why we ask our husbands to buy tampons on their way home from work and why they actually do it even if they are red-faced the whole time. It’s why after the frenzied heat of new love has worn off, we’ve packed on the pounds, acquired wrinkles where we once had smooth skin, have less hair where it should be and more where it shouldn’t, that we still desire one another. It’s why we can discuss feelings and thoughts with each other that we’d never with anyone else. It’s why we all want to be that old couple, married for 60 years, who still hold hands in the nursing home lounge.

Every marriage goes through tough times. Even ones that have great intimacy. When the disagreements start, finances get strained, outside stresses threaten your safe haven, knowing that you are in it together always will get you through to the other side. The promise to honor your commitment gives you a reason to work through the problems. No matter how angry you get, never use the threat of divorce as a bargaining chip. Even in your mind, don’t allow yourself to consider leaving or finding someone else. It will so quickly begin to erode the trust in your relationship and only fuel any negative feelings you have toward your husband.   

I know my husband will be by my side as long God allows both of us to live on this earth, and I’ve promised him the same. But just to reinforce it I tell him jokingly, “If you leave me, I’m going with you!” I can’t imagine my life with out him.

If you’ve made this commitment already to your husband you know the profound effects it has on a marriage. If this is a new concept, discuss making this commitment with with your husband. Try it and see how it will improve your relationship. Perhaps you’ve experienced the pain of ending one marriage already. This one can be different. 

(I want to caution that if you are in a marriage that is abusive and dangerous for yourself or your children, please seek shelter and assistance from the authorities, family and friends. I believe even in such extreme cases God can provide healing, forgiveness and reconciliation, but in the immediate situation you need to take action to ensure your safety and well-being.)

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One Response to “Wednesdays for Wives: If You Leave Me, I’m Going With You”

  1. Tyler Says:

    Nice article. Sounds like you and your husband have a great game plan for a successful marriage. Positive mental attitude can be strong in many things in life…why not marriage?

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