Girl Talk: You Raise Me Up

*See Bottom for Update*

I have bras on my mind today.

Worn out from one too many washings and wearings, my favorite bra stopped performing its supporting role. I have other bras, but they just don’t stand up to my favorite. I’m forced to go shopping for a new one now.

Bra shopping is almost as traumatic as bathing suit shopping. You spend hours looking at yourself half-naked in a full length mirror while you try on bra after bra to find one that fits well, has just the right amount of lift and doesn’t poke or dig in a hundred different places. And despite a “uniform” sizing scale, fit varies between brand and style. It’s enough to send you to Walmart for a jog bra and one of those baggy house dresses that zip up the front.

The most popular and famous purvayor of bras these days is Victoria’s Secret. I won’t be shopping there.

About six months after my son was born I went to VS looking for something pretty to buy, to remind me that there was a women underneath the stretch marks and baby weight. I asked the sales lady to take my measurements. I didn’t nurse, and things seemed to have deflated to their original size, but I wanted to be sure.

The flat-chested sales girl who couldn’t haven been a day over 19, and I’m sure never experienced the body distorting effects of pregnancy, said, “You’re a 40 C. Sorry, but we don’t carry that size anymore.”

My cup size was back to normal, but the extra pounds had pushed me up a band size. “I’m sure I’ve seen that size here before.”

“We carried it in the past. But about a year ago we decided to offer less sizes so we could offer more styles.”

Busy buying maternity bras and extra-roomy panties at at the Motherhood store for the past year, I’d missed the changes at VS.

She must have noticed the confused look of disappointment that registered on my face, and dealt the final blow. “You might be able to find something in our catalog. Or you could try Lane Bryant upstairs. They have plus size lingerie.”

Yep. You heard that right.

Plus. Size. Lingerie.

That’s what Little Miss Mosquito Bites she said to me. She might as well have said, “You’re too fat to shop here now.”

Thus ended my love affair with Vickie.

VS sold out to the younger, thinner consumer crowd like so many other stores. Listen up retailers! Mom’s gotta shop somewhere too, and guess what? Mom’s the one buying stuff for those younger, thinner people. So why don’t you put something on the rack for her?

A couple other questions.

Why are they marketing sexy lingerie to teens who shouldn’t be worrying about what their underwear looks like, because no one should be looking at it besides them and their mother on laundry day?

And why are they selling push-up bras to girls who have nothing to push-up? When is somebody going to invent the I’m-not-pregnant-anymore-have-lost-all-elasticity-in-my-upper-torso-skin-and-put-on-an-extra-20-pounds Push-up Bra?

Whew! Now that I’ve got that off my chest…

I did go upstairs, but not to Lane Bryant. (Not that I have anything against them. They do have a nice selection.) I paid a visit to Frederick’s of Hollywood. F of H is like Vickie’s slightly trashier, naughty older sister who’s knows things that would make Vickie blush. But they have my bra size in the store. And they have many other women’s bras sizes in the store. They serve girls of all shapes and sizes.

So if you no longer fit the demographic of that other lingerie store, pay a visit to F of H. Even if you can fit into things at VS, stop in F of H for some more – um – mature underwear. Sometimes slightly trashy is good. Just ask your husband. 

Well, I’m off to market for a new bra. Have an uplifting day!

My husband does not like this post. He thinks it’s a bit crass. (I think he has no idea just how bawdy a room full of women can get.) He especially thinks the mosquito-bite comment is mean-spirited. Well, I was feelin’ kinda mean that day. Look, to my less endowed sisters out there, I mean you no ill will. In fact your fortunate, really. You can wear things I’d never dream of. Just don’t tell me I’m fat. Even if I am.

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Tags: bras, Fredrick's of Hollywood, lingerie, mom, Shopping, Victoria's Secret