Archive for the ‘There is no category for this’ Category

Here’s Your Toilet Humor for the Day

August 25, 2008

Well, the pot went to pot today.

The toilet seat is just the latest in a long list of things to fall at the hands of my destructive rambunctious three-year-old, David.

He always remembers to put the toilet seat down. Problem is he slams it as hard as he can. It got slammed one to many times.

Half a toilet seat isn’t very comfy, and it’s wooden.

Splinters anyone?

Guess we’ll be making a trip to Home Depot with dad after dinner tonight.

Oh, I scrubbed it for you before I got out the camera.

No dirty pictures on my blog.

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Dear Direct TV

August 8, 2008

Dear Direct TV,

You know, these things are never easy.

I don’t know how else to say it…

I just don’t love you any more.

I wish I could let you down easy, but it’s not me — it’s you.

Things haven’t been the same for a while.

Oh, we had our share of good times. When we first started our relationship, I fell head-over-heals for you. You were so different from cable. So many channels, so many features and when I talked to you on the phone I felt how much you cared.

Then you introduced to me to TIVO.

Oh, wonderful, amazing, pause-live-TV TIVO!

You showed me how I didn’t have to ever miss a single episode of The O.C., and you stuck with me even through that horrible last season. We couldn’t stop watching. Hoping somehow Marisa would be resurrected from the dead, and we would once again revel in she and Ryan’s teen angst.

But alas it was not to be.

And now I see that you and I are no longer meant to be.

For the TIVO DVR that you gave me broke. And you sent me a replacement. But the replacement DVR wasn’t a TIVO. It was your own brand.

Trusting you as I did, I thought your DVR might be even better.

But it kept malfunctioning.

You sent four new DVRs over the last year and a half. Each time you promised that the new one would make it all better. But with each new DVR just a came a new set of problems.

You keep telling me that you understand my frustration. But I don’t think you really do. Not once did you offer an account credit or free programming or equipment upgrade to make up for all the inconvenience you caused.

Today when you told me I had to pay for your service technician to come to my house, and then also pay for a new DVR if he couldn’t fix this current one, I knew it was finally over. There wasn’t even a little bit of that old concern in your voice this time.

As usual you came through in the end. You finally offered me a new free DVR if you couldn’t get the old one working again, but not until I threatened to leave you. It shouldn’t take that much to get you to respond to my needs.

You did manage to get my old DVR working again.

But I’ve given you so many chances. I’ve tried to make it work. It’s just that I can’t take anymore missed or erased shows. I can’t take any more of my son looking at me with those sad eyes and asking why Spongebob isn’t on today.

Of course you’ve made it almost impossible for me to leave you. Every time you sent me a new DVR you extended my contract for another 24 months. Now I’m stuck with you for another year unless I pay you off.

I should have learned my lesson from that bad relationship I had with Centurytel years ago.

So Direct TV you’ll have me around for another year. But I’m only staying because of the money. Come next July, I’m walking away and never looking back.

We’ll always have TIVO.

Regretfully no longer yours,

Me

Is it Just Me or is it Getting Weirder Out There?

August 1, 2008

Seen at WalMart:

Two middle-aged men, in cut-off shorts and shirts that did not begin life as tank tops, playing that video game where you pretend to hunt animals with joysticks that look like shotguns. I can not tell you how surreal that was.

Seen on the street in my little town:

A man at a crosswalk bending down to pick something up, and exposing pants that had fallen well below his waiste when his T-shirt rode up. There was a FULL MOON! At first my thought was that he needed to invest in a belt. It was an hour or so later before it dawned on me that there should have at least been some Fruit-of-the-Loom under there!